There is one person in my life who remains at my side, loves me unconditionally, supports me through the hard times, is my rock and my soulmate...he is also my children's Daddy and one of the best. Since we first got together in our college days we both wanted a family, he shared my dreams of becoming a parent, to have a child to love and cherish forever...when I learned the devastating news that I was infertile it was him who pulled me out of that dark hole, who helped me to stop being angry at the world, who made me happy again, who told me to never give up...after many fertility treatments we now have three gorgeous boys together who we love and cherish dearly. These boys complete our lives make us whole.
My husband is a brilliant father who clearly adores his boys and is fiercely protective of them. He may stuggle to show his emotions, speak his thoughts but his boys know that he loves them no matter what. They know he is always there for them...he is the joker in the family, he can cheer up whoever is feeling sad, he knows how to make each one of us smile, he is just like a big kid sometimes with the antics he gets up to but it makes life really interesting and funny!
The biggest challenge he has ever had to face was his fear of having a disabled child...I remember during our college years when we were talking about disabilities etc and how we wouldn't mind if our children were born deaf or hearing, but you had one fear..,having a child with learning difficulties. When that fear came true the devastation in his face broke my heart, I could see he was struggling to accept that there was a possibility that our youngest child would be disabled when we went to our first appointment during Roo first year. While I too was devestated I did everything I could to research about our child's condition, the different tests, I searched for groups where I could talk about my fears, worries and I became a regular member of a few groups who supported us, my husband had no one...he didn't want to join any group, he didn't feel comfortable with that...instead he chose to bury his head in the sand...I have this blog which helps me to write about things that I think about and I can ramble on, wanting to share Roo journey with others, to explain the difficulties we face and also the good times...but I've come to realise that this journey is hard on my husband as he is a typical man who tends to bottle his feelings up, he will talk to me, open up to me, cry on my shoulder but he would never tell anyone...he struggles with the idea of coming with me to Roo's sn playgroup so he doesn't come, it takes a man longer to accept that their child may be disabled whereas mums tend to get on with it, reach out to others.
He is a very relaxed person but in recent years he seems to get more angry...angry at the "why us, why our child?" Angry that we have no answers to why our son is he way he is, angry at the not knowing what the future holds. Angry that he struggles to lift and carry his own child as he has a back condition which has affected his life a lot and stopped him from working so he feels helpless as he should be supporting us.
BUT regardless of everything he knows he is lucky and blessed to have three healthy boys, he knows they love and adore him unconditionally, his older children cuddle him every night and talk to him. Roo doesn't really talk and while he finds that hard he knows that when Roo leans on him, cuddles into his shoulder that it is his way of showing love to his daddy. He knows he is very lucky that Roo and his brothers bring so much joy into our lives and as long as Roo is smiling then it means he is happy and a happy child(ren) means happy parents.
So, I just wanted to say to my husband ... Thank you for being a fantastic Daddy to your boys, for always being there for them no matter what, they are lucky to have you.